


B o i- A Chatbug Fic

by applesciders, greenstickynotes



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, This is a crack fic, enjoy me and @applesciders sleepdeprived ramblings, like drunk off my ass crack fic, you guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-28 20:18:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8461552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/applesciders/pseuds/applesciders, https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenstickynotes/pseuds/greenstickynotes
Summary: Some Ladyboir @applesciders wrote while on various kinds of teas and coffees and running on a bare minimum of 4 hours of sleep. The first chapter is written by @applesciders and the second is mine then it's @applesciders then mine aldkhf-im so so rry enjoy i guess





	1. blep blep

Ladybug rested her head on a wall. Her eyes were scanning the city and her mind bored as hell. She was on top of a tall building, waiting for her partner, Chat Noir. Where is he? What is he doing? The city needs him now, I can't defeat them without him.

Suddenly, a gush of wind. A black figure leaped from the buildings nearby, his green eyes blazing with adrienaline. His weak ass tail fluttered across the wind, his hair ruffling. Ladybug was relieved. She can finally have a shOt in defeating them.

"What took u so long u piece of ass" Ladybug snarkily muttered. Her blue eyes lit and a blazin' like the sky. Her hands were clenched into a fist, almost ready to punch him for his idiocy.

"Sorry I had to pee and peeing in this suit is almost as hard as my dick rn" Chat quietly mumbled under his breath, thinking nobody could hear the last part.

"What" Ladybug questioned Chat. "I couldn't hear the last part."

"nEVERMIND!!" Chat literally scremed. The evil villain, akuma matata, blazed his eyes to the source of the cat scream.

"There they are!! They are there!! There are they!!" Akuma Matata pointed his finger at the two. His eyes were literally blazing. They were on fire. Like literally. Everyones screaming. Everyone but Chloe, because the girl probably walks in like 4 inch stilettos and still have enough attitude to last a decade probably, she'd probably stab ha w kmoTh in the eye if he woke her up. Maybe sue him.Yay mmmoney

Ladybug gestured Chat to kick ass. She jumped down the building and approached the evil villain.

Akuma Matata quickly jumped to about 70 feet in the air, unleashed his badass weapon, an actual fucking gun like can u believe this shit he pulled out a gun to a couple fourteen year olds how intense is that. He, instesd of actually firing the gun, threw it to Chat's face, leaving him unconcious on the asphalt ground, Ladybug trying to process on what happened. Ladybug whipped out her yoyo and knocked akuma matata too

Ladybug did her lucky charm shit and got the gotdam akuma from th e lit e r al gun who fucking knew holy sh it, was it worth it who the fuck knows im writing this at 11 pm and i have to wake up at 5.30 and im on two different coffees

*bleep bleep bleep bleep* her earing thing started to poof out and she could literalyy hear tikki screaming in her head to return back 2 safety and isolation. Ladybug ran to the nearest alley, transformed herself back into marinette and left Chat alone. What a fucking dick am i right

Chat noir in the other hand, had only one blep left before he could poof and fortunately, he regained his conciousness right before the poofin happened. He jumped onto a nearby building, hid himself there, and poofed to his normal adrien.

"camembert cat (i dont remember his name) what in the heck happened" Adrien said as he was sweating and inhaling and exhailing intensely

"idk man u got hit by a god damn gun and passed out idk i was a fucking s u i t" camembert cat replied. His tone was sarcastic, mixed in with a bit of tiredness and annoyance. He surely wasn't happy on what happened back then.

"How do i get down from her, camembert cat" Adrien muttered because he csnt stop muttering

"Hun yhis building is literally 50 stories hihgh and the only way down without getting agrested are these stairs" camembert cat replied.

"What" Adrenaline said with confusion. Regular teenagers get drunk and shit but Adrien gets hit w ith a gun at 4 am he i s c onf use d and probably ahs a mild concussion if he wasnt whippin his dick out in a leather cat suit. Well, he didnt have much of a choice because he was hit by an actual physical g u n

Adrien slowly and surely went down the stairs. halfway there, he went 'fuck iy' and bolted down the stairs because he had no patience and just wanted to sleep

Finally, he reached the ground. His feet were sore and tired and his body almost giving up on him. He groaned and hyperventalarted (?).

his last words were: "camembert cat,,"  
"what"  
"Boi"  
andpassed out.

Meanwhike, marinet was in her room. she was looking @ hot bois cough adriedn cough and hadnt eaten for yhe entire day. Her momther got lowkey pissed and yelled from the ground floor

"Mario come down please"

But edgy marinette went to sleep instead. Where is tikki??? who knows she probably died because of obesitwy who knows

The next day was class. she was so tired her eyes couldnt even open. why. her last words were:

"cookie bug what the uck happened yesterday"  
"idk i was a gotdam suit"  
"hhghghggjhhgghgh b o i"

and passed out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick note, the author forgot the word breath and put in inhaling and exhaling instead.  
> ^^ to give u guys an idea on hOw d e A D w ea re


	2. blep blep plop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> who fucking knows i have 2 quizzes, one exam and a project draft due tomorrow hahHAHHAHAHAH WH AT I S SLEEP???

Clarinet woke up with her head li t er all y feeling like she got hit by a particularly bi g truck Which doesn’t really makes sense bc she didn’t even do shi t what the fuck Chat got hit by a g un u poofed out glitter and sparkles u aint do sh it why u pass out wh at.

“Marinette u a ss wake up ur late fur school”

“hngnhgnhgnahgh sHut Up tiKKI.”

She rushed to school Fashionably Late™ wearing mismatched cat socks. Chat Noir would have a field day if she saw her, I f on ly he w a s in her cla ss , mmm.

Sliding into her seat, Marinette’s 45 minutes late , but if you’re a super heroine in a skin tight polka dotted suit that magically poofs out a random item per transformation you can be that badass, 2 cool 4 skool am I right kids.

“Damn gurl did u spend all night mentally burning Adrien’s latest photoshoot pictures into the back of ur eyelids or what.” Alya, what a rio t that girl, bumped her sleep deprived bestfriend’s shoulder. 

Marinette, who frankly doesn’t give a flying fuck what the fuck the teacher is saying, is desperately trying to not get a concussion, via slamming her head on the hard mahogany desk, bc goddamn rich ass French school with tablets hOO d amN.

“chatnoirisaselfsacrificingasswhat?” replied the now, probably screwed, Mario

“Gurl you need some D, both kinds” Alys said poking the pale as shit Marinette, “Also,did I hear Chat Noir has a great ass. Damn, I thought you’d be faithful to Adrien but I guess you have a type and if leather and belts do it for you,then you dod you girl. didn’t know u were into all that freaky shit Mari damn.”

“hA that guy may be a dressed as a furry 50% of the time and is probably a cat mom ( you can pry Cat Whisperer! Adrien trope from my cold dead hands fight me hoe) in his free time, but thos stray cats be the only pussy that ass gon get” Marinette quipped back.

Winking, Alya started packing up her stuff because the class ends in 15 minutes and hell if she aint getting a head start on getting thE FU CK OUT OF THE RE AS F A ST AS SHE F U CKIN G CA N,

“Aight girl you do you. And maybe Adrien if he’s up for it “ Alya cackled as she slid out of Marinette’s grip and running away and dragging a bemused Nino with her to escape, and probably make out let’s be real here.

Whoopsie Doopsie Marinette fell on Sunshine Incarnate™ Adrien Agreste’s , probably insured for a hundred euros in cheese, h O t t Oned ch eS T mMMMMM. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Adrien who literally woke up in a shady ass stairway with slightly ruffled attire wore, yesterday’s outfit, plus half a deodorant spray bottle because b o I h E S T ANK and Gabriel Agreste’s son wouldn’t be caught dead with sweaty pits lmao puberty wha t puber ty.

Ofc both of them were rlly tired and Adrien wole up in a stairwell somewhere somehow and so they both fell (I N L OVE AYYE HA R HA R) .

Squeaking Marinette, all a fluster and saying sorry’s a mile a minute probably, stood up rlly quick and accidentally poked Adrien in the eye with one of her bobby pins.

“dam n Mari yo ur bob bies” Adrien hissed in pain but ofc this is Life’s A Photoshoot Adrien Agreste, so while Marinette was jumping around panicking and desperately trying to open a packet of eyedrops for him, Adrien Smiled and managed to grin and wink with the, probably bleeding(??) , eye.

Grinning Adrien bobbed his head to the reedy pop musing quietly playin in the dope ass limo he ridin home with. Mari had fussed over him and managed to put a bandage and a block of frozen gravy they had found in the canteen in place with a bright red ribbon from one of her pigtails.

It was, in all honesty, very cute and oooh rebellious teen Adrien is aLl about pissing off dear old dad,,,, from a distance. And even though he cant see very well, this will probably take him a few days off from his photoshoot riddled schedule.

Tbh the only problem is how he’s gonna pull of the Messy Woke Up Like This Casanova façade with his Lady with one eye incapacitated. Maybe an eyepatch??? Eye that’s a good idea. Hhahahhahahahshsahhaha the author is f unnY

When he reached the dafety of his super cool room with the skating ramp and rock climbing wall and a zipline???? (seriously what the fuck, Gabriel are u that bad of a parent to let ur kid have a zipline in his room with no supervison??? Jesus Christ) Plagg zipped out of his coat pocket.

“yO Black Plague should I use an eyepatch, turban or nothing at all and brave the cold harsh winds of paris with my probably ruptured cornea?”

Plagg snorted and replied” idk man my solution is that camembert always make things better, so I’d just slap some cheese over it and ur ready to go(goOOOOOOOOO G E T ME OUT OUT OUT).”

“No Plagg that would never work, Cheese isn’t part of my aesthetic how many times have we talked about this?” Adrien groaned.

He’d decided he’d tie Marinette’s red ribbon around his wrist, it was cute and it definitely went with his aesthetic gj Adrien.

But before he could do anything about his eye, he heard loud 40’s pop music, I’ll Never Smile Again by No One Cares (dude idk if Google is just shitting with me but I stg that’s whAT IT SAYS) blaring over the whole town and a loud heavily accented Italian voice cackling. Well for a second tho anyways, the next the Akuma sounded like it had asthma.

“Welp I guess we’re braving the cold harsh winds of Paris today, yay eye infection!” was the last thing Adrien muttered before he transformed and a bright green light filled the room

When Adrien opened his eye(s) again something was very wrong. He took a deep breath and let loos a single “b o I.”


	3. mlem mlem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FOXY GRANDPA KILLS LIME BURRITO AND SHIT NOIR?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi its me applesciders and i got an ao3 account idk hwy but heres my sngl e fic  
> also, i had to do my physics and sleep so it wasn't so long

AKuma guy (i also forgot his name) realised how bad of a plan and how desperate he was to get those god damn ak,ujmas like does hi even have a life????? ? ??? No???

Akuma guy is too in love with moth??? butterfly????? hm.,,, He literally sends out one and only one to one person in the entire france becoause for some odd reason??? only on e person in france is mad at a time. is france a fuckin g carnival of children

Akuma guy finds a guy. He was angry at phones because they are polluting teens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like ya know that typa old man,, yaaaa (probably ur grandpa)

"go my little akumA you must go infect that guy (ONLY THAT GUY THO)!!" Akuma guy fiercly pointed a t an old man, his eyes blazin.

The akuma infected the dude and that little butterfly glowy thing popped up.

"YOU SHALL BE CALLED FOXY GRANDPA"  
"YOU ARE VOLPINAS GRANPA THERFORE YOU ARE FOXY LOL IM SMART"

After a couple hours of foxy grandpa contemplating on what he should do, he decided to vandalize cars by breaking windows and breaking doors. what for>>>??? who knows

0000

Shit noir stumble d uppon the foxy granpa. oh dear hehas a boner and the really tight leather cat suit isnt helping.  
"fuck" he mumblêd. His cheecks werer blazin red. Luckily, there was no marinara near by so he was safe from being exposed.Bc he currently has a hard on while wearing his new ribbon. I mean half the citizens of Paris thinks he's some freaky bdsm freak bc he runs around with leather and cat ears for godsakes adding silk ribbons is slightly kinkier than his norm. He'll deal.

"so you are the one that i should get thos e giddly darn ddamned foo,cing miraculouses????? they loook fucking ugly why would akuma gu y want them" Foxy grandpa concluded. His eyes were secretly blazin, but under all that sorrow, who knows nobody can see upon those dark eyes.

Suddenly, a gust of wind brushed chat's skin. A blur of red followed by a loud hitting noise echoed and Limestone knocked foxy grandpa over.

"dAMN YOU YOUTHS AND YOUR SUPERNATURAL YOYOS WHAT HAS THIS GENERATOIN COME TO" Foxy grandpa yelled, pulling out a weapon; a cane. But oh it wasn't an ordinary cane, it's more like a dildo. A fuckin dildo. he pulled out a god fuckin damn dildo right in front of two fourteen year olds. What the fuck in all honesty

"YOU YOUTHS CANT BEAT MY DILDO MAGNETO STICKO" Foxy Grandpa echoed. His voice wa s literally about to break and his eyes were almost as blazin as the gates of hell.

crap noir was horny. his fucking dick was bigger than the dildo wtf he had to go run away while he murmered words.  
"gotta go oh bOIIIII" His yeeye infrection wasnt' helping on what he was abbout to do, he was gonna plan an escape an escape to the hospital B)

Limestone was left with this dildo grandpa. Her voice became suddenly manley and her eyes were red instead of blue (watch out guys shes a mary sue now).  
"I'll beat your god damn ass boi"

next chapter in idk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry  
> thsi is a two parter, hopefully the next chapter is longer lol cliFFHANNNGER??? MORE LIKE I WANNA CLIFF HAN G MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
